Gonou Lives
by Hakkai's Lady
Summary: COMPLETE Years have passed since the death of Cho Hakkai, but Cho Gonou is alive. Brought back to life by Kanan he continues a new reign of terror. Now Sanzo must bring Hakkai back...Can his love overcome this evil? Sequel to To Where You Are 38
1. Default Chapter

Gonou Lives

Disclaimer—I still don't own Saiyuki.

A/N—This story takes place one year after "To Where You Are." You'll want to read that first. This is a 38 fic (sort of) ….Meaning that if you have something against yaoi you'll want to stop reading.

Part 1: Unbreak My Heart

Sanzo

I stare out at our once beautiful garden. I've let it go unkempt for a year now—one hellish year. The rest of the house is immaculate, not a speck of dust or dirty dish to be seen. It looks just the way it did when he was still alive…not that he'd ever seen it. But the garden. I just can't force myself to go out there. It was the place we'd made love that day in the rain. The sacred place where we banished each other's demons for once and for all. I stare out in the over grown yard and picture it the way it was. I can still see Hakkai sitting on the bench, a Braille book on his lap and his smile in place. "I love the scent of the roses. Arigato, Sanzo, for helping me plant them," he said to me. There are no roses now, only over grown weeds and thorn bushes. I know this is stupid, every bit as stupid as Gojyo growing out his hair.

I turn back to the kitchen where Gojyo sits at the table. We kept our promises, all of us, but I still can't get used to him being here. "We should do something about the garden," I say lamely.

"About time," he replies. "Houmei sent some food back with me. It's in the fridge if you're interested." Gojyo's mothering falls short, but we promised we'd all take care of each other and we have. No of us have Hakkai's knack for it.

"Thanks man. How're the kids?" It's something Hakkai would have asked, something I wouldn't have asked until a year ago. I've picked up on a few of Hakkai's little tricks…keep the questions and conversations rolling away from what you want to hide.

"They're hyper little monkeys, that's for sure. I told him he'd better learn to wrap it up or they'd need to build another inn just for all the brats."

"Did you see Lirin before you came home?" I know he's started to see her. I think Gojyo has finally met his match. It almost makes me happy knowing that Kougaiji is having fits over his kid sister's taste in men. At least this time she picked a straight guy.

"Yeah, I saw her. She told me to tell you that she says 'hi.'" He looks away. We both feel the strain of keeping this conversation going without mentioning it. He clears his throat. "You know tomorrow is…"

"I know." No one has to remind me. It will be a year to the day tomorrow. Exactly one year since I held him one last time as he died. A year since he gave his life for me.

"Are you going to his grave?"

"I don't know. It won't change anything." Standing, I glance back over my shoulder and into the setting sun that glimmers over our garden. The days are longer now. Summer has come again, but I feel cold all of the time. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Okay, but I know how you feel. You're not the only one who lost him," he tells me.

I walk up the stairs and down the hall. For a moment, my hand lingers on the door knob of the room we once shared. He would be sitting on the bed stripped down to a pair of pajama pants with that damned cloth in place over his eyes or rather the lack thereof. He'd smile as he heard me come in. It was his custom to wait up for me no matter how late I was. "I was wondering when you'd come." The vision vanishes as I open the door. Our bed is neatly made and empty. The week after he died, I bought a single mattress and put it on the floor of our room. It eats up space, but it's a necessity. I can't sleep in our bed alone, and I can't force myself to get rid of the bed that we'd spent some many hours together in.

So many memories. They all swirl around in my head. Maybe they are all that's left of either of us. I know he asked me to live for him, but I just can't seem to summon up any real life. I died with him. I hold what is left of both of us in my broken heart. I tried so long to come alive again. I would wake up and smoke a cigarette that I didn't enjoy and stare into the rising sun hoping that today was the day that I could start to feel again. I'm out of hope now. Damn it, Hakkai, why didn't you let me die? Without you I have nothing.

I lie in bed and drift into sleep. His smiling face haunts me in my dreams. I can see him standing on the top of the hill underneath our tree…the tree he rests under now. His green eyes are bright and the sun glances off his dark hair. Reaching out a hand to me, he calls, "Hurry, Sanzo! Hurry up, and come with me!" I try to run, but my feet won't move. I'm transfixed there as he disappears into a mist. The Goddess stands next to me laughing. "He was meant to leave you."

I toss of the sheet and shake away the dream. Morning's light streams through the window and I shut the drapes against it. I remember moments in darkness with him. He was always more open when he knew that I couldn't see him either. He said it made him feel like my equal, but we were never equal. Cho Hakkai was always the better man, and that's why I loved him.

Suddenly, the full weight of his loss hits me. I remember holding him as he choked and coughed up his own blood. "Sanzo," he gasped. "I love you. I don't want to leave you…_cough_…but I have to. You have to live for me."

"No, you're going to be fine. We'll grow old together, Hakkai. I love you. Please don't leave me! I can't live on my own!" I cried. Tears flowed down my cheeks unchecked. I knew he was dying and I couldn't face it.

"You have to. _cough, cough_ You'll never be alone. Never alone…I…Love…you." With those words he died. I cradled his limp body in my arms letting my tears mix with his blood.

Brushing away the new tears from my cheeks, I pick up his prized possession, the watch that Kanan had given him. I know how he felt all of those years ago, but he lived after her death and I have to live after his. I promised.

Hakuryu chirps sadly as he perches on the windowsill above me. He's been my constant companion since Hakkai died. The dragon is the only "person" who misses Hakkai as much as I do. Everyone else seems to get along just fine.


	2. Part 2: Missing

Part 2: Missing

Gojyo

I sit with my legs stretched out in front of me on the couch. Hard to believe it's been a year. Life's gone on without him. It's so strange thinking about it like that, but it's true. The world still turns without Cho Hakkai. Goku and Kougaiji still banter back and forth about who owes who. Houmei still rules the kitchen with an iron fist and Yaone still holds the title of most clueless broad. The children still play. I still hit on chicks—though not as much since Lirin and I started seeing each other. Damn it's strange. There have been happy days since he's been gone. Real smiles and laughter, some tears too. And it all went on without Hakkai. Not saying I don't still miss him, but we all are still alive.

The only one who hasn't moved on is Sanzo. Sanzo has taken up Hakkai's habit of faking it like an old pro. You'd swear he wasn't the same guy we went West with. He doesn't act annoyed or pissed or anything. The guy's a blank slate. Hate to say it, but I wish he'd shoot at me or something. If I thought getting laid would help him, I'd go buy him a pack of hookers, but I know sex can't make things better. I learned that from Hakkai.

The years fly backwards and I'm lying on the bed beside him. "We are eventually going to have to get some sleep, Gojyo," he tssked gently.

"What's the fun in that?" I asked rolling over to face him.

"Maybe it's not fun, but it so happens to be necessary." The stuffiness of his "teacher" voice was belied by the smile on his lips.

"The way I see it, I'm doing you a favor. This way you'll be too exhausted to have your nightmares." I had meant it as a joke, but the look on his face told me how not funny I was. Even in my bed, he remembered Kanan.

I shake away the memory.

I went to Goku's with every intention of finding a solution to the "Sanzo Problem." He's just as stuck as I am. Nothing has worked. We've done everything to piss him off short of speaking badly about Hakkai. And I mean EVERYTHING. Fought, whined, made it through the alphabet of insults twenty times, thrown things, drug mud through the house, cut up his robes, put bugs in his sheets, poured water on his smokes, locked him in a room with Lirin (lucky bastard), put peroxide in his shampoo, drew smiley faces on his glasses, bought him a "pet" cobra, used all of his origami paper for tic tac toe, set him up on a blind date with a baboon. Damn, we're running out of ideas here. This is even worse than I could have imagined. Even Hakkai would have cracked by now.

Goku spent most of the afternoon having his curled by the twins and then trying to put Shinta to bed. By the time Houmei got back from the market to watch the kids, Goku was sound asleep with Pretty Posey Princess Pink lipstick smeared across his face. With nothing better to do, I started to lay it all out to Houmei…you know womanly intuition and all. She shook her head and said that she suggested just talking to him about it. How the hell do I talk about it when he won't even say Hakkai's name? He always manages to dodge the subject.

I straighten my collar as I stare out the window. Hakkai always teased me that I didn't look like myself when I was cleaned up. Today, though, I felt like out of respect for him I should try not to look like a bum. Goku and his family are coming up the path. The girls skip ahead. They never really knew Hakkai. After he lost his eyes, the girls were afraid of him at first. From then on, no matter how much he loved children, he kept his distance. I walk out on the porch and the two take a running leap into my arms. "Uncle Gojyo!" I tickle them and set them back on the ground.

Goku smiles and tussles Taka's hair. "Is he coming with us?"

"Not sure. I'm not going to force him," I say.

Goku nods and brushes past me and up the stairs. If anyone can talk to Sanzo it's Goku.


	3. Part 3: Family

Part 3: Family

Goku

I knock on the door expecting one of two things—silence or a gunshot. I hope it's the gunshot. No luck though. I open the door uninvited. "Sanzo?"

He's sitting cross legged on the floor with a very familiar green tunic in his hands. Frayed on the edges and worn, but it's still the same shade. Meeting my gaze, he doesn't bother to move. "I'd have thought you'd have gone by now."  
"You know Houmei. She spent half an hour making sure she didn't forget anything. I had to eat a second breakfast she took so long." My joke goes unnoticed. I continue skirting the subject. "We packed a picnic. I thought we could eat by the stream."

"Sounds nice," he says, the gruffness in his voice a shadow of what used to be.

"Are you coming?" I ask finally.

"No."

"No?"

"I said my goodbye. What's left to do up there? Put flowers on his grave and pretend they mean something?"

"I'm not really going to visit Hakkai," I say.

"Then why go?" He asks balling the fabric in his hands. At least it's a sign of life.

"I go to celebrate the memories. I go because it reminds me why he lived. It brings back all of those days we spent together…"

He cuts me off. "What would you do if Houmei died?"  
"You mean when," I correct bitterly. I've thought about it too often. "I'm not like other people, Sanzo. I'm 24 and I look 16. My body is slow to age. Unless someone kills me, I know that Houmei will get old and die before I do. Do you think I like that? Damn it, Sanzo, I love Houmei every bit as much as you love Hakkai. If she died, I would care for my children. I would pray that somehow we meet again someday, but I wouldn't roll over and die. I would have to live and make the best of it."

"I'm sorry, Goku. I can't go with you." He looks away.

In my heart, I knew he wouldn't come, but I had hoped. I shut the door behind me.

As we walk up the hill, I take a moment to look around me. It's a beautiful day, but I'm having a hard time enjoying it. Hakkai loved to be outdoors, in almost any weather (with the exception of rain). I've missed him. I miss his advice and his cooking, but mostly I miss the way he cared. He rarely criticized me, even when I deserved it, and he was always there to be my shoulder to cry on when things got rough. I love Sanzo, but he would never have the heart to heart talks with me the way Hakkai did. I'd come to see Sanzo as my best friend and Hakkai as a father. I've tried to follow his example with my children. Only time will tell if I've gotten it right.

I steal a look at my wife. My talk with Sanzo has me slightly paranoid. She's pregnant again. Every time she goes into labor, I about hold my breath until I hear the baby crying and Houmei's threats to castrate me. Despite what I told Sanzo, I'm afraid to face life without her.

I feel a tug at my shirt. "Daddy, Taka splashed water on my dress," Mayu whines.

"Awww, that's too bad sweetie, but it will dry up in the sun, I promise," I tell her scooping her up in my arms.

Golden eyes like my own stare back at me. I'm not exactly a normal demon, and so my children aren't exactly your average half demons. She looks like her mother. "Daddy, why are we here?"  
I clear my throat. How would Hakkai have explained this one? "We're here because you Uncle Hakkai was a very special person. We've come to share our memories of him. Now, why don't you and Taka pick some flowers for on his grave?"

I watch as she runs off. My family is my life.


	4. Part 4: Forever

My little rant…I finally got my hands on a copy of Reload and the new voices suck ass! Hakkai sounds like a woman and the others just sound like crap. AAAAAGGGGHHHH! I am like seriously disturbed here! This totally ruined my groove so this is a short one.

Part 4: Forever

Sanzo

I climb the hill in the middle of the storm. It's fitting that the rain came only after sunset. Nature mourns him too. I haven't come to this place since I told him goodbye, but I can't stand the thought of not coming. I know what I told Goku, but I need to be here. I fall to my knees and lean my head against the cold, wet marker letting my hands run down over the inscription.

_Here lies Cho Hakkai. Lover, Brother, and Friend. _

I remember it all. Everything. I close my eyes and see his smiling face. Every time it rains, I think of him. Our passion in the rain. The promises we made. The love we shared. It all comes back. "_Sanzo, I love you now, I loved you then, and I will love you forever. There is nothing that matters to me more than you do. Forever." _His voice echoes in my mind. Every time it rains, I have to face these memories.

I know you wanted me to live for you, but I just can't. I wrote a letter to Gojyo leaving him everything except the sutra. The sutra is Goku's to protect. There is nothing left to hold me here. I kiss your headstone and sit back pressing the gun to my head. I'll see you again, Hakkai. I pull the trigger.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, KONZEN?" I know that voice. The gun won't fire.

"AAAAAGGGGHHHHH! Damn you! Bitch from Hell." I scream.

"Sanzo," she says her voice softening. "There's another way."

"Another way?"

"Yes. Because you've made it completely apparent that there is no way you're going to live without him, I've managed to rearrange things a bit."

I put the gun away, and stare at the grave. Does she mean….?  
"Don't be ridiculous," she scoffs. "There is something left for you to do in this world, and we can't have you messing it up."

"Hmpf…and I thought you came out of genuine concern," I say sarcastically.

"Glad to see you've got you bark back. I'll make you a deal."

"What's that?"

"I'll let you sleep until he is awakened, but when it's time to wake up you have to suck it up and take care of things. Agreed?" she asks eagerly.

"Awakened? You mean reincarnated?"

"Take it however you want, but I need an answer now. Think of it this way—you can kill yourself and end up without him, or sleep and wake up with him in your reach."  
She looks annoyed and even through the storm I can hear the reason for her impatience.

"Sanzo! Sanzo!" They're calling my name. I guess they found the note.  
Damn it. "I'll do it!"  
The last thing I remember is a loud "BANG!"


	5. Part 5: What's In a Name?

A/N—I watched some of my fav episodes and got my mojo back! YAY!

Part 5: What's In a Name?

I wash away the dirt from my arms. The dirt from the work I have done comes clean easily, unlike the filth that stains my skin. Staring at the bundle of rags lying on the cot, I loose my hair and start to ready the herbs. This is my hope. I have lost everything that ever mattered in my life. My family, my fiancé, and my innocence were all stolen from me in one horrific night. Now I will have my vengeance.

I must wait a few hours more. My angel of death will not awaken until the good doctor returns. There is no reason I shouldn't start to prepare. The doctor left me everything that we will need. I slip into the dress he left me. It's the garb of a woman who died nearly thirty years ago, but I am she. We are one for all we've suffered. He will rise like a phoenix and bring justice for us. I will not let my pain go unanswered.

A knock on the door breaks my thoughts. "Come in!" I call.

"Hmmm…You look lovely…Kanan." A smile comes to his lips. The doctor is a thin man in his early sixties, but the glint in his eye is ageless and somewhat disturbing.

"You call me that as if I have become her," I say staring down at the dress.

"You have, my dear. It is what he will call you. To him you will be Kanan and he will be Gonou."

"But they called him Cho Hakkai?"  
He snorts. "That was a name given to him by evil men, Kanan. Men who made him forget his duty to his love."

"He'll love and protect me. " I sigh and gesture to the table. "I have all that you asked for."  
"Such a good girl you are." He sets a stuffed bunny aside and picks up the knife. "There is one more thing we need."

A shiver passes through my body. "What is that?"  
"Oh just a bit of blood…not much," he assures me grabbing my wrist and tossing the blanket off of the decaying corpse. A slight scream passes through my lips as he slices through my palm. The world goes black.

My eyes begin to flutter open as I feel gentle hands bandaging my wound. The face of a demon stares down at me with silver eyes. He is naked to the waist and I stare at the vine markings that cover him. His hair is dark and his face drawn with concern. "Kanan, I thought I'd lost you!"

I find my voice. "Gonou, my Gonou, I love you so much."  
He draws me fiercely into his arms and I feel the shuttering that passes through his body. "The doctor told me what they did to you."

I bury my face in his shoulder. "Will you help me?"  
"Always. I'm always here for you, Kanan. No one will ever hurt you again."  
Looking hard into his eyes I ask, "Will you help me take my revenge?"

"Yes."


	6. Part 6: Bring Me To Life

A/N- I reposted this little bit because I'm dumb and can't add.

Part 6: Bring Me to Life

Sanzo

I gasp for breath. The bitch shot me! I open my eyes. What the fuck is going on? I'm still on the hill but the sun is shining. I look to his grave and see that it looks like it's been filled in again. Wait there are other graves up here. Just to the left of Hakkai's is a small one marked "Hakuryu" and to the right…..no fucking way. I stare at my own name for a minute and think back. The note and the gunshot. So they think I died—or did I die? No, the hell hag wouldn't have let that happen.

Hakkai's grave faces West. I stumble a bit as I stand and walk to the grave facing North. "Dokugakaji/ Jien." Hmm, wonder how that one happened. Doku was a tough bastard, a lot like his brother in that respect. But who is buried at the East? Could it be Gojyo? Goku? Did I sign his death warrant by giving him the sutra? With a feeling of sickness in my gut I approach the headstone. Oh shit….

_Here Lies Houmei_

_Wife of Goku_

_Mother of Taka, Mayu, Shinta, Ayumi, _

_Hisoka, and Tsuzuki _

My talk with Goku that day comes back to me. I wonder how he's doing? Damn I was a self absorbed bastard that day.

"Umm…Excuse me, sir?" a timid voice calls from behind me. I turn to face a slender girl about twenty with brown hair and large golden eyes. "What are you doing at my mother's grave?"

"You're Goku's daughter?"

She nods. "I'm Mayu. You know my father then?"  
I snort a bit. This is fucking bizarre. "We're old friends you could say."

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember you. I feel like I should….say, are you related to Genjyo Sanzo? His son maybe?"  
"Uhhh, I'm not sure how you want me to answer that. My name is Kouryuu." I tell her. "How long ago did he die?" I ask motioning to "my" grave.

"Twenty-five years ago. I was three when he killed himself. They never found his body. The stream was high that year and it washed him away. It's so sad. He couldn't live without his lover," she explains. If only she knew.

I clear my throat. "I don't suppose you remember Hakkai?"

She shakes her head. "Not really. He was blind, and I guess I was a little afraid of him. All I remember is that he had a gentle laugh and dark hair. My father loved them both very much. So did my Uncle Gojyo. He told us all kind of stories when we were little," she tells me with a giggle.

"I bet he did."

"I had better get back to the inn and see how daddy's doing. He got pretty banged up in his last fight with Gonou."  
"Gonou?"  
She furrows her eyebrows a bit. "You mean you don't know who Cho Gonou is?"

Dumbly, I shake my head.

"Gonou is an evil man. He kills anyone who opposes him and his wife, Kanan. My father, Kougaiji, Aunt Lirin, Uncle Gojyo, and Jien went to fight him a month ago. Uncle Gojyo still hasn't fully recovered from the fight, but Daddy and Kougaiji have gone against him two more times, but he's really strong."

Could it be? I push the thought aside. "Mind if I tag along? I haven't seen you father in a while."

"Oh, no, of course not. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you again, Kouryuu." She gives me a coy glance. If I was straight, I'd be a happy man. She's very pretty, looks a lot like her mother. "First, I'd like to tend to my mother's grave."

I nod. "You're mother was a good woman. When did she pass?"  
"Thirteen years ago. She was giving birth to my little brother Tsuzuki. My sister Taka and I have raised them all since she died."

She kneels at the grave and arranges some flowers. After saying a little prayer, she turns to leave and I follow her down to the little village. The town hasn't changed much in twenty years. The inn, though repainted and added on to, is still in the same spot with the same beaten sign out front.

"Mayu where have you been?" a voice calls from inside. Goku opens the door and drops the plate he'd been drying. "Sanzo?" He looks like he's only about thirty or so, though he'd be forty-nine. A deep purple bruise on his right cheek, I can see that he's not as quick to heal as he used to be.

My throat goes tight. "Anyone else you know who looks like me?"

"Sanzo!" He wraps his arms around me with his eyes glistening. "How?"

I sit down at the same old kitchen table and tell him everything that happened that night on the hill. When I'm through, he looks away sadly.

"We thought you'd died. I thought that Hakkai's death had driven you insane."

"It did." I stare at my hands. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when Houmei died."

"I was never alone," he says with a shrug. "It's been sixteen years, and I've had things to keep me busy."

"I guess. Gojyo was right…you guys did have to build a bigger in for all your brats."

He laughs. "Yes, we did. Gojyo will want to see you. We should go out there. There's something we should talk about when we're all together."

"Is it Gonou?"

His lips go tight. "Yes, it is."


	7. Part 7: Friends in Low Places

Part 7: Friends in Low Places

Gojyo

I lean back in my chair on the porch and take a long drag on my cigarette. Lirin's been on me to quit. I did manage to cut back and for the moment it's enough to keep her happy. Kneading away the pain in my leg, I cast a loathing glare at the cane propped against the wall. I hear the door open behind me. My wife stands beside me. "You should take the potion Yaone sent for you."

"Yeah, well there are a lot of things I should do," I tell her eyeing the cleavage popping out of her top. "Jien won't be back for a while."

"Ya know, I thought you'd stop being such a perv after you got old!" She says with a laugh.

"Old huh? Well I'm not too old to show you a good time." I pull her down on my lap and stare at her still young face letting my gaze drift down to her breasts.

"I think you showed me just fine this morning and then after lunch again," she reminds me.

"But I think your forgetting that you married a lech, Lady Lirin, and I intend to make you remember over and over again." I try to lift her and myself out of the chair, but it's a fruitless effort. Pain shoots through me. I feeling like this. "God damn it!"

"Did you hurt yourself?" Worry shows in her big, green eyes and I hate that even

more.

"I'm fine. I guess I'll just be a step or two behind you," I tell her forcing the "wolf" look.

"UUGGHH! You'll never change!"  
"Don't count on it, sugar."

"Fine," she agrees. "I'll be waiting." She casts a seductive glance over her shoulder.

Once I hear her footsteps on the stairs, I let the pain show. Gonou nearly took my damn leg off. I guess I should be thankful that I'm healing at all, even if it is slow, but—like I told Lirin—there are a lot of things I should do.

The memory of the fight floods back to me. I hadn't wanted to believe it was him…I'm not even totally sure that it is him. Those silver eyes just don't make me believe that it's really Hakkai. Even in youkai form, Hakkai never had that look to him. This guy is just evil. Even if it is Hakkai's body, it ain't Hakkai's soul.

Leaning on the fucking cane I turn to limp after my wife. Whoever the hell he is, he's not going to stop me from having great sex.

"Stop right there, water whuss! We've got to talk." Goku's voice calls from behind.

"God damn monkey! I have something important to do. Can't it wait?" I spin and my mouth falls open. "Sanzo?"

My own shock is mirrored in his eyes. "I didn't realize how long I'd been gone," he says. The air of annoyance is back in his voice. This isn't the dead man that disappeared twenty-five years ago, but in some fucked up way it is. He looks exactly the same. I must look like shit.

"So where the hell have you been for the past twenty-five years, bastard?" I ask angrily

"It's a long story and your not getting hospitality points making me stand here," he replies. Oh, yeah, Sanzo's back.


	8. Part 8: Turn Back TIme

A/N—I need an answer from yall…I'm thinking about going back and starting from the beginning of Sanzo and Hakkai's romance after this is over. Should I write more of this, or are you tired of me and I should just shut up?

Part 8: Turn Back Time

Goku

I could hardly believe it when I saw him and now that we're all sitting around Gojyo's kitchen table, I still am having a hard time. He's been gone a long time and a lot's changed. If only we could go back in time…

Gojyo looks just as confused as I am. He casts me a look. After thirty some years of friendship I know what he's asking. _Does he know? _Apparently Sanzo can read us just as easily. "So are you two going to explain this whole Gonou thing to me or not?"

Gojyo clears his throat and Lirin stares at the table. I guess that leaves me. "A woman calling herself "Kanan" and our old friend Nii stole Hakkai's body and resurrected him…sort of. It's not really Hakkai. He's changed. He kills whenever he feels like it. He…he doesn't recognize us, Sanzo. He says that we're after Kanan."

"Heh, so this is what she meant that I had something left to do. That bitch," He mumbles.

"Mom! Dad!" We all turn and face Jien. The tall, thin boy in the door way is completely unaware of our dilemma. He could have been Gojyo from twenty-five years ago, except he has his mother's green eyes and his demon blood shows through more. "Hey, Goku. What are you doing out here?"  
"I…uh.." I start to stammer.

Gojyo stands and smiles. "Sanzo, I'd like you to meet our son Jien. Jien this is Genjyo Sanzo."  
He gives us all a disbelieving look. "The Genjyo Sanzo? The priest with a bad attitude?"

"You're Gojyo's kid alright." Sanzo snorts.

"Oh yeah what's that supposed to mean, you degenerate monk?" Jien shouts.

Like clockwork, we barely even see the gun before he fires. Jien stares in absolute disbelief, while Gojyo and I laugh.

"Hey, baldy," Lirin warns "can you not point that thing at my son!"

"Sorry, old habit's die hard." He turns to me ignoring Jien. "So he's killing demons? Humans?"

"Anyone who happens to be handy." I sigh and stare out the window. "The woman with him seems to decide who dies and who lives. Whatever they did to his head, it's got a strong hold on him. Sanzo, if anyone can break it, it's you."

"I thought he almost recognized me the last time. It was like he was losing his will to fight," I add.  
A flash of anger and pain crosses his face. "Do you know where to find them?"  
I shake my head. "They've been on the move, but they'll attack and then disappear. Gonou pops up out here so often, but it's strange."

"Why?"  
"Well, he doesn't seem to care so much about fighting. He will if we confront him, yet he just seems to be looking around when he's here."  
Gojyo frowns. "There is some of Hakkai left in there. They have to be doing something to his head. Hakkai wouldn't do these things."  
Sanzo nods and walks out of the room without a word.

"You gonna follow him?" Jien asks,

"The monk needs some space," his father answers.

In the evening, Gojyo and I sit on the porch. In the past twenty years, we've relied on each other more than I ever though possible. Gojyo has always been my friend, but Sanzo was my "best friend," and it was kind of like that for Gojyo and Hakkai. We rarely bicker any more. I guess you could say that we grew up, only it happened in our thirties. Fatherhood does that to you.

When Houmei died, Gojyo and Lirin were there to comfort me and help out with the kids. Lirin took care of Tsuzuki, because I couldn't bear to look at him. I didn't blame my son, but things were complicated. One night, Gojyo came in and put the boy in my arms, telling me to get my act together and remember Sanzo. That did it for me right then, I thought back to the day of Sanzo's "death" and what I told him. That morning I made breakfast for the kids and we all ate around our table for the first time since Houmei's death. I still miss her, but I had to live for them.

"Hmm, I guess I'm the only one of the group that got old," Gojyo says quietly.

I look at him for a moment. I've watched the gradual changes in him. The lines that appeared at the corners of his mouth, the gray strands that have streaked his hair, and the loss of that lean muscle he had. He's not an old man yet, but he will be. Even now, I haven't aged much. He's right. He and Sanzo were the only ones with human blood. "You're not old," I tell him.  
"Ha, like hell I'm not. Somehow, it never really occurred to me that I actually was old—even when we joked about it—until I saw him. I used to think that I was eternally twenty-five."

I swallow and shake my head. "You know if I could trade you places I would. I don't like this feeling, Gojyo. I look at you and I look in the mirror and I feel like I'm being robbed of something. Nothing has ever really been normal in my life. I wasn't really born, I don't really age; when will I die? Will I get to see everyone I love die long before I do? My kids are slow to age, but they are getting older. Then there's me."

"I'm sorry, man. I'm just a little bummed that there's this great reunion here and I'm not much good right now. It makes me think of how he must have felt all those years ago."

I sigh and remember. "He didn't take it well at first, that's for sure. But you remember how he was at the end."  
"I do. Any way, we'd better hope that Sanzo can reach him, because if he doesn't…you know what Kougaiji is planning."

I feel a chill. "Sanzo will reach him."


	9. Part 9: Pieces of Me

Part 9: Pieces of Me

Gonou

I sit with my arms around my legs rocking back and forth. Their bodies lie a few feet away pooled in blood. I did this, but why? Why did I hurt these people. They were no threat to us

"Gonou," Kanan calls from behind me. I turn away as she comes into my sight. "Gonou, stop being so childish. Really, you know how bad they were."

"Do I?" I ask looking at her finally.

Stepping back a bit, she shakes her head. "You have been so sickly. Nii will have to help you feel better."

"No."  
"No?" she gasps. "How can you say that when we only want what's best for you."

Gagging a little, I stand and leave the dead behind me. Something isn't right. This can't be Kanan. This can't be me. I've thought that since I woke up with only vague memories of my life before. I remember how kind and loving she was, and now she is blood thirsty. Even more disturbing, I can remember feeling human. Now, I feel like a puppet tangling myself in the strings that they pull. There are things I should remember. Things I should know. Pieces of me are missing.

That first night, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize my own face. True, I've become a demon since the last time I looked in a mirror, but there wasn't even one thing about myself that looked like it should to me. My eyes are silver. I don't know why, but that is the thing that upsets me the most when I stare into the looking glass. I don't know what color I want them to be, but silver just doesn't seem right. Often, I find myself placing a hand over my right eye, as if that will correct it. When it doesn't, I find solace in the darkness. Why is it more natural for me to shut my eyes than see them?

Glancing to my hands, I see that they are still covered in blood as is my shirt. Stripping off the soiled garment, I trace the scar on my stomach. How did I get this? So many pieces of me. They're all broken and scattered, and I can't get them to connect.

"Gonou, it's time for your medicine." Nii crept up behind me without my noticing.

I spin and shutter at the sight of the needle. "I don't want it."

"Oh, but you need it. You need it ever so much," he says softly. His words flow from his mouth like deadly poison.

"Gonou, take it for me, please," Kanan begs.

"This is all wrong," I murmur as I back away from them. "My name isn't Gonou."

"Oh?" the doctor says raising an eyebrow. "The tell me your real name."

"I am…I am.. I don't know." Defeat echoes through me. "LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE! I can't take this anymore! Let me go. I can't do this."

Kanan takes the needle from Nii and shoves it into me. For an instant, I linger unaffected by it, but then something dark takes me once again.

Kanan

I stare at his unconscious form idly stroking his beautiful vine markings. When he wakes, he will bask in my touch and bow to my desires. Nii was right about him; he is willful. They did a good job of turning him against me…no I mean Kanan. But I am Kanan. It no longer matters.

Gonou stirs a bit under my caress and as smile tinges his lips. It's so strange to see him smile. I will make sure that he stays with me forever, just like this. I will break him until he bends completely to me at all times.

A/N Hey yall! Just wanted to thank you for the reviews. Big kisses to Loveandpeace, Tara, Zan, Shadow, Liz, YoukaiDragon, The Claws, ToffeeChew, KaedeRukawaIcePrince, and Faerie Kosmos. (Gee I actually have time to write and enough time after to thank everyone so here it goes.)

TaraICK! I have been watching volume 4 over and over again to get the nasty Reload after taste out of my mouth. I'm a dork too. I'm even with a man who looks almost identical to Hakkai. (My man is a hottie.) But like you said, Braden Hunt is Hakkai and so on. The killed my boys!

LoveandPeace I have no intentions of giving up on this story, but after it's done I'm planning on going back to the beginning and telling how they hooked up. All this horror is making me want romance.

Shadow YES! Take it back! And for the sake of your sanity don't watch Reload on TV either. SSSSSHHHHH….it will mess with your head.

Zan AHEM! See above. Thanks for your review on both stories.

YoukaiDragon Geeks like me will always be writing, so you may be reading and reviewing for a while. Thanks bunches.

LizLOL I love reading your reviews. You rock! I can't wait until you post something of your own….HINT HINT!

KaedeRuwakaIcePrince- Thanks for the support on both stories. I'm glad to see that you've kept your story going. I was a little worried for a while that you gave up.

ToffeeChewYou an Liz have to be related! You two make my day.

TheClaws Thanks for the review. I'm not sure which I like better. I'm always a fan of the story that I haven't written yet.

Faerie Kosmos Arigato! But I am really jealous of your talent turns green. I love your story and if any Hakkai/Sanzo fans haven't read it, they should.


	10. Part 10: Here with Me

Part 10: Here With Me

Sanzo

It feels like the air has been pushed out of my chest. No more. I can't take it. There has to be a way out of this nightmare. I stand up and walk out of the room without another word. I walk into the night stealing a glance to the moon lit garden.

How far away are you? How do I reach you? I have to find you, Hakkai. I will find you and I'll bring you back to me. You belong to me. I will find you. Finding my way down our old forgotten paths, I hold to the hope that somehow you remember these places. If there is anything left of the man that I love in you, you will be there waiting for me.

I didn't realize I was running until I'm falling to my knees from exhaustion. Damn cigarettes. Shakily dragging myself up, I look around me. The forest has changed in the past quarter century. Is it still even here? I was such an idiot to think that I could just come out here and find him waiting. Nothing looks familiar. That's just fucking wonderful. Not only did I make an ass out of myself, but I'm lost.

I sit against a tree and rest my head. This is unreal. Twenty-five years gone in the blink of an eye. The world isn't what I knew before. Gojyo and Goku have led lives in the time that I have been gone. They have raised children that are now as old as I am. Goku isn't a kid anymore. Gojyo is settled. What the fuck is going on? Where do I go from here?

Opening my eyes, I notice the smooth boulder in the clearing. Son of bitch! This is it. This was our spot. My hands shake as I drag them across its surface. We used to take long walks. We would spend hours roaming through the woods in silence. Back then, he was still coming out of his depression and I wasn't sure how to say what I was feeling. Somehow we would always end up here, sitting side by side on the rock. On days when he was feeling better, he'd ask me what I saw as we went through the forest. I didn't know what to say to that because all the while, I hadn't been watching the scenery. Even at his worst, he had a way about him that I couldn't deny. I remember sitting on this stone and telling him that I loved him for the first time. True, I'd let him know before, but we were here when I actually got the words to come out.

Something in the bushes moves in front of me and I aim my gun. "Come out and save me the trouble of hunting you down!"

"I….I didn't mean to intrude," a soft voice appoligizes as he steps from the shadows.

I let the gun fall. "Hakkai!"

Even now I recognize him. The demon form and silver eyes don't change that. He looks stunned. "What did you call me?" he asks.

"I called you Hakkai. Cho Hakkai. That's your name," I tell him.

He steps back shaking. "My name is Gonou." He shakes his head and looks at me with a pained expression. "I should know you. Who are you?"  
"It's me. It's Sanzo. And you are Hakkai." Moving slowly toward him, I reach my hand out for him. "Don't you remember who you really are?"

"No, I… I can't let her down again." He slaps my hand away and falls to his knees. "I can't let anything bad happen to her."

"Hakkai, she's not Kanan. The things that she makes you do aren't you. Don't you see it? She's using you!"

"NOOOOOO!" The sound of his cry echoes through the forest and he hurls himself at me. His claws barely scrape my cheek, and he rushes on by me.

I don't bother to follow, because I know that he has started to realize the truth


	11. Part 11: Landslide

Part 11: Landslide

Gojyo

"What's wrong?" Lirin asks idly running her finger tips down my arm. "I know your upset about something."

"It's just everything coming together at once. Hakkai. Sanzo. We buried them a long time ago and here they are. It's just a little hard to take," I admit.

"I know it is. Baldy, kinda has a way of changing things up."

I touch her young cheek. Her demon blood has kept her young. I really am the only old fart around here. "What were you thinking when you saw him again? Was he what you remembered?"

_WHACK! _"Damn it! What was that for!"

"For being a dumb ass! You've been moping for the past few weeks and I'm really gettin' sick of it. You're fifty-three not ninety-three! You limp a little but you can still walk!" She gives me the "look" and I have to admit that she's right.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a pain in the ass."

"Okay! I forgive you!" With that she tackles me and we spend the next few hours making love.

After one final climax, she lays her head on my chest and sighs. "Now I REALLY forgive you."

"Hmmm always knew that was all it took. Lirin, can I ask you something?"

She groans. "Do you promise you won't start moping again?"

"I promise. Do you…you know…do you think I'm getting fat?"

Sqauking with laughter, she shakes her head. "You are not fat!"

Laughing at my stupidity, I have to agree with her. "It's just looking at Gonou…you know."  
"Ewww! Hakkai was always anorexic looking. Everytime Yaone and Houmei saw him, they both said they wanted to feed him."  
"Well I guess that answers my question. Now, where were we?"

AN. Hey all thanks for the reviews! This fic will be over soon….YAY! My goal is to get it all up in two weeks.


	12. Part 12: Who Wants to Live Forever

Part 12: Who Wants to Live Forever

Goku

I sit down on my bed and take a long sigh. Sanzo will turn up eventually. All in all, it kinda goes without saying that Sanzo can take care of himself. Even if he did have a run in with Gonou, I know that Hakkai would not harm him. Today has been draining. I'm not sure how to get my head to stop spinning. Twenty-five years ago, we mourned him and now he's back like nothing ever happened to him. I can only imagine what he's feeling right now. He'll come back when he gets things in check.

A light knock on the door sounds. "Dad, are you awake?"

"Yes, honey. Come on in."

Mayu slips through the door with an almost soundless grace. At almost thirty, no one would think that she was a day over seventeen. She looks just like her mother did back then. Her large golden eyes question me. "Will you go after Gonou again?"

I nod. "We have to do something about this. Don't worry; I haven't gone soft yet. Your old man can still kick some ass."

She graces my sad attempt at humor with a small smile. "You're not old yet."

Had anyone else said those words, they would just assume that it was a good thing.

"No, I'm not. Who knows how long it will take for me to get old? Mayu, I'm sorry that I have…I've passed on traits to you that make things a little harder, but we are stronger and you have to remember that we have to use it when it will make a difference. But we can't let that change the way we live our lives."

She sadly reaches up and touches the golden crown on my head. I'm so glad that my children at least escaped _that _fate. "But it does. It changes everything. All of us have changed. I know you are proud of Taka and Ayumi for..for being like you, but…"

I laugh. "Trust me, they are much smarter than I ever was. They do what they do because they are true to themselves. That is what I am proud of. I am proud of all of you. Shinta has proved that he is a devoted monk. Hisoka and Tsuzuki are an interesting pair that no one dares underestimate. And you. Mayu, you are the strongest woman I know. That came from you mother. You are so like her, but you have your own spirit. Someday I hope that you find it in you to let it out."  
Tears form in her eyes. It always kills me to see her cry. "I just can't! What if I loved someone and he died like mom did? I'm not strong like you! I wouldn't be able to do it."  
"Listen to me, Mayu. I am strong because of you and your brothers and sister. I wanted to die with your mother, but I am here because of my love for you and because I believe that we all have a destiny to fulfill before we leave this world. Don't hold back your love for someone just because you're afraid to loose them. If I hadn't let myself love Houmei I would have missed out on a lot, including you."

"Dad, I love you."

"I love you, too." I sweep her into my arms.

Below us, I can hear the door open and close. Sanzo. Releasing my daughter, I tell her to go to bed and walk down stairs to see him. I've seen him look better. His hair is a mess and there are thin lines of blood on his cheeks. "Gonou?" I ask simply.

He shakes his head. "Hakkai. It's him alright, but Gojyo was right….amazingly. They've done something to his mind. Do you remember the bee woman?"  
I think back for a moment. "Yeah, she had the half demon kid."

"We know that Nii was manipulating people even back then. In the time that he's been quiet, it's possible that he managed to get even more advanced. Hakkai recognized me on some level, but it was like something was holding him back."

I hand him a damp cloth for his face. "It's obvious he wasn't trying to really hurt you. Those are barely even scratches."

"Part of him knows me, Goku. I'm not giving up until he's back." His voice shakes with conviction.

"I know you're not. You wouldn't give up on him because you love him. Just like he wouldn't give up on Kanan all those years ago."

"He still won't give up on her."

"Sanzo, what if we took Kanan out of the picture?"

A light flashes in his eyes. "He'd go nuts if we killed her, but if we prove that she really isn't Kanan"

"Exactly."

"Heh, so you're not such a stupid monkey anymore."

"Nah, I never was. You guys just didn't know real genius when you saw it."

He looks away for a moment. "Goku, you really are a grown man now aren't you?"

"Yeah I am. Twenty-five years will do that to you."

"I really am sorry for leaving. Killing myself seemed like the only way to stop the pain, and when the goddess came… I should have stayed and kept my promises."

"You're here now, Sanzo. Looking out for us now. And you are living now when you have a chance to be with him." Shaking my head, I know I have to say it. I have to confess. "I blamed you for a long time. I thought that you were such a coward, and then I went through it. One night about a month after, I went up to our room carrying a knife. I was going to do it, but then there came this little knock on my door and my children were all out there. They were scared and sad because their mother was gone. I put pillows and blankets all around the room and they all slept with me that night. I lived only because I loved them."

"Goku.."

"Sanzo, you have a chance that I never will get. I don't blame you for taking it, and I'm going to do everything I can to help you."

"Thank you, Goku."


	13. Part 13: Let Me Go

Part 13: Let Me Go

Gonou

I'm still shaking when I make it back. Sanzo. The name brings a thousand muddled images to my brain that I can't make clear. It only makes sense when I close my eyes. The thoughts I have seem to mellow into a feeling of love and of security. Why? Why can't I remember? My hand idly rubs the sore spot on my arm where Kanan stuck me with the needle. That's it. That's why I can't remember.

"Gonou?" she calls from the door to her small home. The name isn't mine.

"Yes?"

"Where did you go?" she asks nervously. She tosses her white blonde locks over her shoulder and stares at me with eyes as silver as my own. My sister, my lover, but is she?

"For a walk."

"Nii's been looking for you. You need to take your medicine."

I hold back my snort. "Wouldn't want to miss that."

"He's only helping," she tells me like she believes it.

"Helping who, Kanan? You? Me? Or himself? I would protect you with my life and you know that, Kanan. I don't know how, but somehow I think this scar proved that already…yet I don't even know how I got it. What's real? I don't know anymore."

Rage flashes in her eyes. "How dare you say that? How dare you act this way! I was tortured because of you! You were the one who let them sell me into slavery with that monster."

"I cannot change the past, only the future, but I will not let that future be stained with blood." It's the first true thing that I have felt since I woke up that evening. She knows I'm done.

"I never wanted it to be this way, Gonou. I'm sorry that you've gone and ruined everything that could have been. I really thought that you'd be true to me this time, but Nii was right about you." She turns on her heal and leaves me.

For the first time that I can remember, I'm walking away from her. I need to find Sanzo. He will have the answers I want. I follow the path leading toward the forest. The stars above are shining—I wonder why I never noticed them before.

"Going somewhere, Gonou?" Nii asks as he blocks my path.

"Away from the insanity you've created!"

He lifts the stuffed bunny. "Hear that he says that I've created insanity. He gives me way too much credit. I only use the insanity that find to my best benefit. But I don't think you'll be going anywhere."

I hear them in the brush before I see them. Demons step from the shadows behind Nii, and more follow.


	14. Part 14: No White Flag

Part 14: No White Flag

Sanzo

I put the last bullet in my gun and slip it into the holster. Hakkai was spotted just South of here. God only knows what they did to him, but I know that he is still in there. This time, I'm not going to fail him. This time he's coming back with me.

Goku is waiting for me downstairs. Gojyo would have come if we'd told him, but he isn't up for a fight right now. Of course, that hardheaded kappa would have fought anyway. He never was good at letting his body heal. We decided it was safer if we left him out of the loop just this once. Lirin would probably thank us for it. We're not going in alone, though. Kougaiji is going to bring some help. He seems to believe that Nii is partly his own fault, and I'm not going too fight with him on that one.

By the time I come down to meet Goku the demon is already here. He looks at me with the same cool regard that I look at him with. We may not be enemies anymore, but it doesn't mean we're friends. Goku, on the other hand, seems to have buried the hatchet. He gives Kougaiji his signature stupid, friendly grin. "What took ya so long?"  
"I got a little caught up in something," he apologizes.

"Humpf, where's the help you were supposed to bring?" I ask.

"He'll be here soon."

Goku frowns. "Um, he? Just one?"

The demon actually had the audacity to laugh. "Just one."

"Well, I'm not waiting any more," I tell them and start walking toward the edge of town. I don't take five steps before a blade whizzes past my cheek on the end of a chain. "GOD DAMN IT!"

Turning with my gun drawn, I see a tall thin man with long red hair standing on a roof top. Could it be? "I owned you that one, monk." The figure jumps down and I get a better look at him.

"So the second generation of the line of losers decides to show up."

"Listen, pretty boy, at least my dad and I go for chicks!"

My face goes completely blank. He had no idea Gojyo and Hakkai had a past. Behind me, Goku and Kougaiji can barely hold back their laughter. I say nothing as I lead the way to him.

Hakkai, I'm coming. I know that you feel me in you. You are the only thing that has ever really mattered to me.

As we reach the end of the town, the demonic aura is stifling. An army of them stand before us with Nii, "Kanan" and Hakkai in the very center. Obviously Nii doesn't remember all of the times we took out youkai armies, but I've always doubted his intelligence. "Want your lover?" He calls. "I'm afraid you'll have to fight for him."

They come at us with the same fervor they used to. Goku is in his glory. He easily jumps into the air and soars back down into a crowd of them sending warriors flying. Jien's blade zings through the air with the same steady control that his father's did. Not wasting any time, Kougaiji and I run to the gap that they clear for us. "See?" Nii whispers in Hakkai's ear. "I told you they'd come for her."

"Bullshit, Nii! You know why we've really come." I can't hold back my rage.

Hakkai's shoulder heave with each heavy breath. The turmoil is building within him. "Hakkai," I plead. "Don't let him control you! You know who you really are!"

For a brief moment, he looks at me and I think that he's back, then all hell breaks loose. "KANAN!" he cries as he charges at us.

Kougaiji barely stands a chance. He's always been fast, but Hakkai is just too quick for him to even graze. Dropping low, he narrowly escapes being slashed by Hakkai's claws. I draw my gun shakily and aim. The bullet grazes his chest just enough to draw blood and turn his attention to me. I don't even try to avoid him, just turn enough to let him fall past me.

"Sanzo!" I hear Goku calling me but I ignore him.

Before, he wasn't actually trying to hurt me. This time is serious. I can see the blood in his eyes. He'd kill me this time, but I still can't hurt him. One hit to my jaw, and I fall to the ground.

"Noooo!" A ball of white cloth and golden brown hair slams into Hakkai's side. Mayu.

"Mayu, get out of the way!" Goku screams.

Hakkai stands shakily, and touches the blood at his lip. He stares at her for a moment. He doesn't move for a long time. What is that look in his eyes? He doesn't know her, but he doesn't want to hurt her. "Hakkai, listen to me. This is Mayu, our God daughter. You remember Goku and Houmei….she's their daughter. You remember don't you?"

"Our?" he asks with a husky voice. He's confused, but for the moment he's lost his will to fight. "Sanzo?"

"Yes, it's me, Hakkai."

"Why do you want to hurt Kanan?" Hurt shows in his expression.

"She's not Kanan!"


	15. Part 15: Come Undone

AN—I apologize for not updating this story more often. My muse on this one kind of died and I'm up to my neck in finals, but I am still planning on writing a prequel to "To Where You Are." This is more of an action story and less romance than I'd planned. Sorry to anyone who's mad at me for my lack of updates.

Part 15: Come Undone

Hakkai

"Our." The word feels so strange that I have to say it again. I remember being us and I remember having ours. I remember "Sanzo."

I stare into those violet eyes and it all comes rushing back in one moment. Falling to my knees, my head becomes a storm of thoughts to complex to grasp. A hand steadies me. "Hakkai, you remember don't you?"

"Sanzo, I'm so sorry." I can't control the torrent of emotion sweeping through me as I remember all that I've done. I killed so many innocent people. Why? I don't even know why? Oh, God why couldn't I have stopped? Why didn't I stop?

"Hakkai, stay with me," he commands as he shakes my shoulders. "Look at me. Everything is going to be fine. We're together again."

No, this can't be it. There's more. I nervously stand and look around me. Houmei…no Mayu, but she's an adult. Goku has changed. And that isn't Gojyo standing there…his son maybe? But Sanzo hasn't changed at all. "How did this happen?"

"What is the last thing you remember?" Sanzo asks.

"I remember Gojyo coming to visit me and being taken by demons….then nothing. How is it that I can see again?" Panic runs through me.

"I don't know. Hakkai," his eyes are so dark and sad. "you died."

"How?"

"You saved me." Sanzo's voice is quiet and ashamed. "A year later, I was going to kill myself. I went to your grave and the Goddess brought me here. She knew that Nii would resurrect you. Hakkai, you are the only thing that matters to me."

"Sanzo.." I cover his mouth with mine and try to take away some of the pain that I have brought upon him. "I love you so much."

"UGH! Not something I want to see guys," the red head calls. "Now if you wouldn't mind kicking some demon ass with the rest of us!"

I hadn't even realized that they were still here. There aren't many left, but it looks like Kougaiji and Goku are exhausted. Charging forward, I leap to the sky and summon a ball of chi aiming it perfectly and landing as it hits. I am going to clean up my mess. I caused this and I will finish it. "You can fall back," I tell them simply.

"We're not leaving you on your own, Hakkai," Goku tells me. I can tell that he's hurting.

"No, this is my fight." He doesn't have time to respond as I am in the center of the brawl. I don't know what they did to me to make me this strong, but I hate it. Blood falls in pools as I tear them apart. I drop to my knees and pin the last one beneath me. "Where is Nii?"

"I don't know!" His eyes are large and fearful.

I knock him out and stand up looking at the men that have seen me fight. The young man laughs. "I take back every word I ever said about you being a pansy."

"Who are you?" I ask half knowing already.

"Jien." he says simply.

"He's the stupid kappa's kid," Goku adds with a laugh. "Let's get out of here."

I stare at Sanzo. There's an unreadable look in those violet eyes. We have changed. We blinked and our world came undone.


	16. Part 16: The Walking Dead

Part 16: The Walking Dead

Nii

I laugh as I watch Gonou tear through the demons. All that beautiful blood falling around my Angel of Death makes him look so perfect. This has been the most fun I've had in years. Out of the Sanzo-ikkou, I've always been most fascinated with Cho Hakkai. Such sins the man bore, yet he made the world believe that he was such a nice guy. The black soul beneath the surface was aching to get out. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't release it? All the fury of Gonou has been unleased. He is such a fool to think that the shots made him crazy. My serum was the only thing keeping him sane. Now all I have to do is wait and my angel will come to me.

I open the door to my "home." Kanan stares at me with wide eyes. "Where's Gonou?"

"He's playing with his little friends," I say with a laugh.

"You left him there?" Her eyes narrow. "How could you do that? I thought you said you'd bring him back to me!"

My hand flies across her face and she falls like a rag doll. "You assume too much, darling. He will be back."

Goku

By the time we make it back to the inn, it's obvious that something is definitely not right with Hakkai. I can smell the shift in his body's chemistry. His hands are shaking and his eyes glow.

"Hakkai, are you alright?" Sanzo asks nervously.

"Get away from me! It's not right! I just can't…AGGGGHHHH!" He collapses to the ground. When he raises his head, we know we're fucked. Sanzo barely doges the first hit.

The next few moments are all out pandemonium. All of us combined are no match for Gonou. I spit blood out my mouth and stare up at Kougaiji as he steps in front of me. "I have to do it or he'll kill us all!" he cries.

"NO." A voice calls from the heavens. "This is your job, Konzen."


	17. Part 17: Kiss the Rain

Part 17: Kiss the Rain

Sanzo

The rain falls like mercy from the sky. She's right. This is my job. "HAKKAI!" I scream out his name and run full force at him. Grabbing his wrists as we fall, I land on top of him. "Cho Hakkia! You are mine. Stop this madness and come back to me. Remember rain, and remember who you are."

There's no doubt that he's stronger than I am, but he makes no move to take me off. The storm picks up and the lightning cuts across the sky. In the flashes of light I can see shards of green return to his eyes. Damn it, it's my touch that's bringing him back. I push my mouth on to his and feel no struggle as my tongue slides past his lips. Soon, he's melting against me. The rift between us has been mended and the truth enters our skin. This is the only way we can be whole. Soul mates, now and forever.

I feel him go limp beneath me and stare down at Cho Hakkai. Gonou is dead, Hakkai lives. Though still in demon form I see the change in him. Pressing another kiss to his forehead, I stand and look at the faces around me. "Help me carry him to the inn," I say.

We're all ready to collapse by the time we reach Goku's. Kougaiji helps me lay him in bed. I sit and watching him sleep for a long time. I'm never letting you go, I promise silently.

His eyes flutter. "Sanzo? What happened? Why are you so sad?" He lays a hand on my cheek. I hadn't even realized that I'm crying.

"Damn it, Hakkai, I almost lost again! I can't live without you, don't you get that?"

He nods sadly, and hugs me. "I'm sorry. I tried to get to you. It was like I could see what was happening around me, but I couldn't get there. There was always something in my head and I couldn't force it out no matter what I did." I see the tears of regret in his eyes. "I'm sorry. Oh, God, what I've done…"

"Hakkai, that wasn't you. Nii did this to you, and believe me he's going to regret it, but right now all that matter is that you're here. I'm never letting you go," I say pushing a lock of dark hair behind his pointed ear.

"You've changed, Sanzo. Did my…my death hurt you this badly?" Guilt is written across his face as plainly as the vine markings.

"Your death showed me exactly what was important in my life. When you were gone, I tried to be as good of a man as you are, but that's not me. The only thing that really makes me a good man is my love for you. I don't give a fuck about most anything else in this world. That's why we were made for each other, Hakkai. You are the good in me. You saved my life, and I can't thank you enough for loving me that much, but I do mean it when I say that I am nothing without you. I love you so much." I've waited so long to say those words that I can't stop saying them.

"Sanzo, I love you too. I never want to leave you again. Without you, I don't know who I am or why it matter."

Before I know it, I'm in the bed with him. Clothes hit the floor, as we begin to taste things that we have long missed. Making love to Hakkai is ethereal. All of his passion, all of his emotions come through so eloquently that it's impossible to imagine not seeing him as the most beautiful thing in all of creation. Descending for one last kiss, I roll to my side and gently entwine my fingers with his—he always liked that best.

He smiles me. "It's still raining. Do you remember our garden?"

"I'd never forget. That was the day we were married. To hell with convention," I add as I roughly kiss his neck.

He moans. "That is something you would say."

A knock breaks the moment. "Hey Hakkai, quit fucking the monk and get your ass out here!"

"God Damn it, Kappa! Can't we have any peace?" I yell from bed.

"Not when I haven't seen my best friend yet you can't, you stingy monk!"

Hakkai laughs heartily beside me. "I'll be down in a minute," he calls to Gojyo. He looks to me and shakes his head, "You two will never change."

"Would you believe we lived together for a year?"

"A whole year? I'm impressed. I would have thought you'd have killed each other after a week. So why did you move out?"

Doesn't he realize? No, I guess with everything going on in his head he wouldn't have. "Hakkai, it's been twenty five years since you died."

"What? How?"

I swallow and try to think of how to explain. "Hakkai, after you died, I was going to commit suicide. Kanzeon brought me here because she knew I wasn't going to make it without you, that's why I haven't aged. But the others…."

Reality hits him hard. "Jien and Mayu are Goku's and Gojyo's children. I don't know why it didn't connect sooner. So Gojyo and Goku are older now."

"Goku doesn't show much, but the kappa's put on the years… and the pounds," I add with a slim amount of satisfaction.

"Who is the mother of his son?" Hakkai asks solemnly. "He did marry her?"

"Ha, Kougaiji would have castrated him if he didn't."

"Kougaiji? Oh my, you don't mean he married Lirin?"

I laugh. "He did and they're happy."

He stands and begins to put on some clothes. "Well it seems I have catching up to do all over," he says with a smile.

Of all the things I have missed, that smile is what I have longed for the most. Even more than those emerald eyes—I loved him even without them. But that smile makes my soul lighter. For the second time in our lives, we were saved by a kiss in the rain.

AN I know I've promised this before, but I will try REALLY hard to get this out for you guys! Thanks for reviewing!


	18. Part 18: Count On Me

Part 18: Count On Me

Gojyo

I pace nervously downstairs waiting for Hakkai. My knee throbs and for a moment I can see those silver eyes as he tried to slice my leg off. I shake away the thought. That wasn't Hakkai. We went through some shit together and I know Hakkai well enough to know that no matter what he'd never try to harm anyone without a damn good reason. Gonou would, but that's not Hakkai. When I think back to all of the unresolved shit between us, I can almost understand why he would want to kill me, but that isn't his way.

I hear steps coming down and I look up at my best friend, my former lover. "Gojyo, I guess it's been a while," he says softly. He opens his arms and I embrace him.

"You've got a bad habit of saving people and getting your own ass in trouble. You should probably work on that," I tell him trying to keep control of the ball in my throat.

"I don't regret saving anyone…no matter what the cost, and it looks like it's a good thing I did or Lirin would have been without a husband." That signature smile crosses his face. "Your son looks just like you. I thought it was you for a minute when I first started to come to."

The sharp pain screaming in my leg won't go ignored and I motion for him to follow me into the kitchen. "Let's take a seat."

"Are you alright? How did you hurt your leg?" he asks. Hakkai always did play the nursemaid, and I'm not sure I know how to tell him that he did this to me. I stay quiet for a second regrouping my thoughts, but he's already figured it out. "Oh, God I'm sorry. Gojyo, I don't know what I can do to show you how sorry I am. I would never intentionally hurt you."

"Calm down, Kai. It's fine. Yaone says that I'll be dancing again in a few more weeks. I just have to exercise it and get my muscle back. I know that you weren't in control when this happened."

He nods, but I know that he'll carry the guilt no matter what I say. It took me years to fully realize that the only sins he couldn't forgive were his own. Maybe that's what makes him and the monk so perfect. God knows Sanzo's the only one who blames others as much as Hakkai blames himself.

Sitting at the table, I study him for a long time. I've only ever seen him in human form, barring once or twice when he took the limiters off to clean them. Despite the markings and the sharpness to his features, it's still Hakkai. Beautiful Hakkai. It's odd, but he's really not doing it for me anymore. Once upon a time, the mere thought of him made me hard as a rock, but now…now only one person makes me horny as hell. Lirin. "Well, I hope you know that you and Sanzo are gonna have to fight my wife if you want your house back."

He just laughs. "We'll find a place of our own." Suddenly, an odd look comes to him. "I would kind of like to see it…especially the garden." A light blush tints his cheeks.

"I'll take you on the grand tour, but things are different than they were when it was your little love shack," I tell him. You'd think the guy had just fallen.

"Everything's changed. I just can't wait until I get things straight with the who's who. So how's married life?"

I think for a moment. How do you describe the most natural part of your life? "It's what I've been waiting for my whole life. Not trying to bring up old shit, but I think that's why I cheated on you…why I slept around my whole life. I mean you were half of it, I loved you, but I needed more. She's my heart and soul."

He sighs. "I'm so glad you feel that way. That's what I felt for a long time with us—it was almost but not quite what I needed. When you showed up that day, I wasn't sure you'd understand that about Sanzo and I. But now, you've made me feel so much better about everything."

"You were my first love, Hakkai. It took me a while to get over that," I say honestly.

"What the fuck!"

I turn to face my son. The blood has drained from his face and he stares at me in wide-eyed shock. "Jien, I guess I owe you an explanation."

"Damn right you do! Does Mom know about this?" he rages. I guess I should have expected this.

Hakkai stands. "I think I'll leave you two to work this one out on your own."

I sigh wearily. "Sit down, this is going to be a LONG story."


	19. 19: A Father's Love

Part 19: A Father's Love

Goku

I bandage Mayu's hand that she injured tackling Gonou. "Why would you do that?" I ask quietly. It's hard to keep the anger out of my voice. I want to shake for being stupid enough to put herself in that kind of danger, but that's not how I deal with my children…even if she isn't a child anymore.

"I just had to!" she cries. Shaking her head, she stares me directly in the eye. "Isn't it what you've always said—do what you have to do to protect what you love?"

"Mayu, I was going to be fine," I say exasperated. How could she doubt me like that?

A blush rises to her cheeks. "I love you, Dad, but you weren't who I was talking about."

Oh God, it can't be HIM! I go through the list of possibilities. "Honey, I hate to tell you, but Sanzo's definitely gay."

"Not him."

"Kougaiji's married."

She laughs at my distress. "You know who I mean."

I can feel a vein popping out of my forehead. Now I understand why Sanzo always had the urge to kill. "Not him! Anyone but HIM!"

A gentle laugh from the door way catches my attention. "Looks like there are child problems everywhere," Hakkai says as he walks into the room. "We haven't been formally introduced. I'm Cho Hakkai, your godfather—or rather one of your god fathers."

"I know who you are," she tells him sweeping him into a hug.

"I just wanted to thank you for helping me." He kisses her forehead. "Goku, you are a very lucky man to have such a brave daughter."

A lump rises in my throat as I remember the past, but I push it down. "Yeah, but she has terrible taste in men."

She sniffs defiantly. "I think he's wonderful! Maybe now that you're back, you can convince him that I'm a big girl."

Mayu leaves us and all I can do is stare at him for a while. "It's good to have you back, Hakkai."

He smiles and offers his hand. "You've become a good man, Goku. It's kind of hard not to see you as a child, you'll have to forgive me on that one."

I pull him to me and give him a hug. "I've missed you so much! And if I'm a good man, it's because you taught me how."

"You always were destined to be a good man, Goku. All I did was offer my friendship," he says.

I watch as he examines every picture hanging in the room, giving names to the faces. Finally, he comes to one of Houmei and I. "That was the last one taken of her," I tell him. "She died a week later in childbirth."

He looks sadly at me. "I know how hard that must have been for you. The children must miss her."

"They do. I'm just sorry Tsuzuki never got to meet her. Hisoka barely remembers her, but at least he knew her. You know, I worry a lot about things. I never thought being a father would change me as much as it did, but now everything matters more. Until the day they were born, I was never this focused on anything, and now I just wonder if I did a good enough job." I look away as his "last" words come back to me. "Hakkai, do you remember what you said to me when you were dying?"

He shakes his head. "Goku, if I said something to upset you I'm sorry…"

"No, it wasn't that. You called me your son and said that you were proud of me. I never forgot that. It made me think if I was being as good of a father as you were to me. You didn't have to care about me. I wasn't really your son, but you always made me feel like I mattered."

I can see the sheen of tears in his eyes. "Goku, it was my honor to be there for you. You are the son that I would have asked for if I could have. Seeing you and your children now is amazing to me. You are an excellent father. Let me tell you something I learned…so long as you love someone with all you heart and let them know it, then you have done your job. And Goku, it shows in your family. Looking around, I can see that you care about them deeply and want to be a part of everything they do. You would die for them, and no one can say that you aren't doing the right thing by them."

This time there is no pushing back the knot in my throat. "Thank you, Hakkai…For everything you've done for me, Father."

He kisses my cheek and tussles my hair. "It is going to take some getting used to being younger than my son."

I laugh. "Well, at the rate I'm going you'll catch up."

"I'll do my best," he says lightly. "By the way, how about I make some lunch?"

"Now you're talking! I'm starving."

"Same old monkey," Sanzo says from the doorway.

Gojyo steps from behind him. "But at least Houmei taught him to chew with his mouth closed!"

I swallow. "Were you there the entire time?"

Sanzo snorts. "Don't even think about calling me mom."


	20. Part 20: Just to See You Smile

Part 20: Just to See You Smile

Hakkai

I woke up and I knew something was wrong. Staring out the window, the world looks as though it's veiled in a white cloud. I look at Sanzo sleeping beside me. Though he is still clear, even he becomes slightly blurred if I step back. This can't be happening. I gently touch his shoulder. "Sanzo, wake up."

"Kill you," he murmurs still unconscious.

"Sanzo," I say louder.

He sits up straight and reaches for his gun. "What? What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "Nothing," I lie. "I just wanted to talk."

Reaching up and raking a hand through his golden hair, he fixes me with a half awake, violet-eyed glare. Even now, he's the most perfect looking man I've ever seen. I know that I have to enjoy it while I can. Who knows how long it will last. He shifts uneasily under my gaze. "You sure there's not something wrong."

I just nod and force a smile. "You're so beautiful in the morning. I never realized what I was missing before."

"Hakkai, for everything being ok, you're acting like a real pain in the ass." He sighs and walks to the window where my view of him is dimmed, and I smell the smoke of his cigarette.

I walk up beside him not wanting to miss out on a thing. Wrapping my arms around him, I admire the sun caught in his hair. His hands are stunningly delicate for a man, even with the slight tobacco stain on his fingers. The bare skin on his chest is a shade lighter than that of his face. I miss nothing about him. And then I think back to something he told me_. "I wish you could see my smile, Hakkai. You taught me that. I may not do it as often as you do, but I smile more now that I have in my whole life." _ He told me that the day we made love in the rain. I want to see it at least once.

Pulling him to me, I kiss him softly and look into those violet eyes. "Smile for me, Sanzo, please," I beg.

He only looks more worried. "Hakkai, just tell me what's wrong already? I can't take much more of this."

"I'm sorry, Sanzo. I don't mean to upset you."

"You drive me insane, you know that?" He tosses the cigarette out the open window and pulls me to him. His kiss is hard and deep, just like the man. My heart pounds as he touches me. "Do you remember when we did this every night?"

"How could I forget?" I ask still feeling the rush of those hands on my body. "I love you."

He smiles. "I love you, too."

I have to hold back the mist of tears in my eyes. There it is. I have waited forever it seems just to this. His smile is the one thing that was missing in my heart when we were together before. Seeing is believing and now I have seen it. I can honestly believe those words from so many years ago. I touch his cheek gently, and kiss the corner of his mouth. "Make love to me," I whisper.

This isn't love in the dark. Despite the distortion at the edges, I see everything. I watch him touch me with feather softness along my scar and moan. Never once do I close my eyes, but by the time we are done, the room has gone almost completely dark. I stare at his shadowy form lying on my chest. How do I tell him?

I bite my lip. "Sanzo, there's something I have to tell you."

"I know."

"You know?" I ask puzzled. How could he know?

"I know that look on your face when something's got you worked up. I've been watching you since the day I met you. There never was anyone else in my world," he says.

A knock on the door interrupts my confession. Goku calls from outside, "Hakkia, Sanzo, you guys better get down here."

I stay a step behind him on the way down. I don't know these darkened halls, but if I let him guide me, he will know. This isn't how I want him to find out.

In the kitchen, shadows stand all around. I can't make anyone out for certain, but I hear Gojyo's halting steps coming up behind me. "Kid looks like Goku, doesn't he?" Gojyo comments.

Making a non committal shrug, I try to place the stranger in the room.

"Genjyo Sanzo," a new voice greets. "Cho Hakkia. It is an honor to meet you both. I am Shinta."

"Who would have guessed Goku's kid would be a monk?" Sanzo mutters. "I'm guessing this isn't just a social call?"

"Unfortunately not," Shinta says regretfully. "I have come from Chang An with a message for you Sanzo-sama. The Three Aspects wish that you find and apprehend Nii for his crimes. Also, Cho Hakkai, they wish that you come with me to the temple."

"Like Hell he will," my lover snarls. "I'm not letting them punish him."

"No, you misunderstand. They wish to fully purify him of the mind altering agent Nii gave him. No harm shall come to him, they specifically told me to assure you of that."

"Give us a minute," I ask, and listen to their steps as they leave the room.

"I'm not leaving you," he says protectively.

I shake my head. "Go for me, please. I don't think I can handle them. Not like this."

He sighs deeply. "I don't trust this. You remember that they wanted you executed last time?"

"I do, but this is different," I say honestly. I think they already have punished me this time, but I need to find out for myself. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry that I can't tell you this. "You have to go."

"Fine," he says simply. "I'll go ask Kougaiji and Goku to come along."

I hear him leave and sigh with relief. It's a shame I don't have my cane, because I am not sure how to get out here. A long time has past since I knew the inn's layout by heart and feel. Steps come behind me.

"Hakkai." I turn towards Gojyo's voice. "Why didn't you tell him?

A knot forms in my throat. "Am I that obvious?"

"I noticed. And Shinta doesn't look a damn thing like either parent. What the fuck kind of game are you playing?"

"Please, don't tell him. I need to go to Chang An and get some answers. But I can't go alone. Will you come with me?"

His hand lies on my shoulder. "Do you even have to ask?"

"Thank you, my firend."


	21. Part 21: Sad Eyes Don't Lie

Part 21: Sad Eyes Don't Lie

I know something is off when I kiss him goodbye, but I do my best to ignore it. Something tells me it's best to let Hakkai get this one out on his own. I hope that the three heads can get it out of his system. Seeing him like this makes me want to kill Nii even more. I'm honestly not certain I'll be able to control myself enough not to kill him. That's what Goku's for. Glancing back over my shoulder, I see him waving to us.

After this is all over, I promise you, we'll live the life we dreamed of so long ago. I'm doing this now only because you asked me to. You know in your heart that I can deny you nothing. You are my life and my soul.

Kougaiji and Goku are unusually quiet as we follow the directions Hakkai gave us to find Nii. I've never seen Goku this focused on anything before. I almost miss the hyper monkey…key word almost. I'm no masochist. He used to get so buzzed before a good fight that you'd swear the runt was on something. The two of them used to go at it for hours while the rest of us simply went through the motions of a fight. I doubt Hakkai ever actually landed a hit on Yaone. But those two…heh, it was pathetic how much joy they got out of kicking the fuck out of each other.

"I can smell a shit load of blood," Goku says finally.

"That means Nii isn't far away. He's been upping his experiments from what I could find out through the demons left alive after Hakkai went off," Kougaiji explains.

I make sure my gun is fully loaded and take a few steps forward. There are few youkai outside of the small cottage, but nothing that we can't handle. Goku is five steps a head of me and ten ahead of the youkai. I don't even think they saw him before they went down. He smiles at me contentedly. I take everything back. The stupid chimp hasn't changed.

Inside the body of blonde haired woman lies on the floor in a pool of blood. So much for "Kanan." I side step the corpse and keep moving.

"Priest Sanzo, so glad you could make it." Nii smiles at me, and hold s up his bunny. "We've been so anxious to see if you would kill Gonou or die trying. Oh, well, so goes another experiment."

"You are one sick fuck, Nii. Gonou's long gone, but Hakkai lives," I say pointing my gun at his head.

"You make such a mockery of the Buddhist faith. You kill indiscriminately, and keep a male lover... a mass murderer no less. What a fine priest!" He laughs and it takes everything I have not to pull the trigger.

"You're done for, Nii, come with us or I'll just have to tell the heads that you were too much trouble to bring along."

"Oh, you frighten me! Tell me, how is Hakkai?"

"You leave him out of this!"

"Such beautiful green eyes he has. Pity they don't do much these day." I can see the gleam in his eyes and I already know what he's done.

"Bastard!" I pull the trigger without regret and watch as blood and brains spray the wall behind.

Walking away, I say nothing to my companions. So that was what was the matter this morning. Hakkai knew he was going blind. It all makes perfect sense now, and I can't believe that I wasn't smart enough to catch it before. I did think it was strange how closely he followed me in the hall. Damn it! Why didn't he tell me?

I hear the flap of wings over my head. Out of the sky lands a woman on dragon back holding the reins to two others. "Onela!" Kougaiji calls from behind.

The youkai smiles. "Mom sent me with dragons so you could meet the others at Chang An."

"Onela, how did you know we weren't done fighting yet? You could have been hurt!"

"But Dad, I can so kick ass too! Aunt Lirin was right. You are way to overprotective," she says rolling her eyes. "Hiya, baldy."

I cringe. Lirin should keep her mouth shut. "Kougaiji, did you have to reproduce?"

Onela crosses her arms over her chest. "Hey, I just brought you some transportation here!"

"Thanks," I say as I climb on the animals back. She doesn't get another word in before I am airborne.

Hakkai, why didn't you tell me?


	22. Part 22: It's A Bird! It's A Plane!

Part 22: It's A Bird! It's A Plane!

Gojyo

He holds my arm and follows a half step behind as walk back to the inn. I'd saved some of their things in the attic at home. Luckily, his cane was in there. Lirin found some of Jien's clothes that fit him, but we couldn't find my son to tell him about it. Chances are he's sneaking around with some woman.

"We're about half way there," Hakkai says.

I look at him with confusion. "How do you know?"

He takes his hand away and begins to move the cane back and forth in a rhythmic pattern. "I remember the way. It took me a long time before I'd go alone, but I managed to memorize almost every step."

"Do you think they'll fix your eyes?"

The cane stops moving and so does he. "They didn't before."

In the sky, I can see something falling directly for us. "Hakkai!" I push him out of the way just as a small ball of white feathers and scales hits the ground.

"KYU!" The thing chirps as it stand up.

"Is that…?" Hakkai asks hesitantly.

"Damn. It looks like him!"

The dragon flaps it's wings and perches on Hakkai's shoulder giving his demon ear a playful nip. "Kyu!" it chirps happily.

"Hello, my friend." Hakkai reaches up and touches the dragon. "I thought you had died, but this has been on surprise after another."

"Well what do you know? The lizard's back!" I move to pat the thing, but it bites me. "OWWW! Damn it!"

Hakkai laughs. "I don't think he likes being called a lizard."

"Well, he'd like it even less if I strangled the little monster."

"Now, now," he chides gently. "Hakaryu, would you mind giving us a lift?"

"Kyu?" It sounds like that was a question.

"Don't be silly. I can't drive, but Gojyo will never call you a lizard again," Hakkai promises.

I roll my eyes as the thing transforms. Climbing in the driver's seat, memories come flooding back. The only time I ever drove was when Hakkai was bleeding badly. Now we have to pick up the monk and junior monkey and go East. There is something wrong with this picture.

AN Thanks for the reviews. I'm sorry this is a short one, but I want to get things moving. There isn't much left of this.  I am almost done with this and a few other fics.


	23. Part 23: Butterfly Kisses

Part 23: Butterfly Kisses

Goku

By the time Kougaiji, Onela, and I make it to the inn Hakkai, Shinta, and Gojyo are already on their way to the temple. The odd part is that I have no idea where Mayu is. Hisoka and Tsuzuki are sitting at the front counter fighting as usual, but I can't find my daughter. I search every room in the entire place. Suddenly, I hear whispers coming from the back of the barn.

"You know I love you, right?" a voice drawls.

"I'm not so sure about that, Jien," my daughter tells him. JIEN! I'll kill him, but for the moment I stay quiet. "I'mthree years older than you are, and I thought you liked your girls young."

"That was just fooling around, Mayu. This is serious. I'm really in love with you. Your age has nothing to do with it."

"I don't know if I should trust you. You're going to have to prove it to me."

"How?" he asks.

"Don't even touch another woman for six months." That's my girl! No way he'll agree to that.

"I'd do anything for you. But when that six months is over, will you marry me?"

My heart stops. I'm going to rip his dick off!

"Oh, Jien," she sighs. "Of course I will!"

I hear the sounds of them kissing and it's too much. "Get your hands off my daughter!" I shout.

Mayu glares at me. "Daddy, what do you think you are doing?"

"Saving you from this creep. Go into the house!"

Her eyes flash just as stubborn as Houmei's used to. "NO!"

Jien places a hand on her arm. "It's alright, honey. We'll just talk things over."

I watch my daughter walk to the house. "Don't you dare lie to her like this, Jien."

He shakes his head. "But I swear that I'm not lying. Look, I should have talked to you first and all, but I wanted to make sure she knew I loved her."

"You think I believe that you changed over night?"

"I wasn't over night, but yeah you should believe me," Jien says sincerely. I could almost believe him if it wasn't my little girl's heart I was trusting him with.

"Do you intend to go through with this? And I mean all the way." This isn't happening!

"I do."

I sigh. "Fine, but if you screw up…it won't matter that you're Gojyo's kid. I'll kill you."

Back in the house, I see the tears rolling down Mayu's cheeks. "I can't believe you would do that! After all the talk of how I shouldn't be afraid to love…"

"Baby, I never imagined that you'd fall for him. Don't you know what kind of reputation he has?"

"But what if I don't care? What if I love him anyway?"

Looking into those big golden eyes, I know that she means it. I just hope this doesn't come back to haunt her. "I told him that if he makes it the six months, he has my blessing." I conveniently leave out the part about killing him if he doesn't.

"Oh Daddy! I love you so much." She wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek. It's going to be hell to give her away.

"I love you, too."


	24. Part 24: My Own Prison

Part 24: My Own Prison

Hakkai

"Fancy place," Gojyo comments as we walk up the stairs to the temple.

"It's been years since I've been here," I say absently.

Shinta has said very little this entire trip. I wonder if he is offended by me and my crimes. I don't blame him if he is. There was a time when I feared that was how Sanzo saw me. Simply a killer with a reason.

"You okay with this, Hakkai?'

"It's not as if I have much of a choice."

"We can go no farther," Shinta says softly. "Someone will be out to guide you in shortly, Hakkai."

"You sure this is what you want? You'll be okay?" Gojyo asks again.

"I'll be fine."

Footsteps approach. "Cho Hakkai, I will take you from here."

I told Gojyo that I would be fine on my own. Kneeling before them now, the smallest part of me wonders if that was true. I can't see a thing, but the echoes in the room tell me that it is very large. I can remember being here before. Being judged for something that I did for the woman I loved. "Sinner Cho Gonou," I still hear them say in my mind even in the silence. If it hadn't been for Sanzo I would have been forced to find my penitence by basically giving up my own life willingly. Though it wasn't a formal execution they wanted, it was bad enough. Sanzo saved me, and somehow I think that was what they had really wanted all along, for Sanzo to embrace me. Who knows what the Gods really want?

"Cho Hakkai," I hear one of the voices say. "You have come before us tainted by the science of Dr. Nii. Will you accept purification so that you may continue your life?"

I breathe a slight sigh of relief. "I know it may be impertinent of me to ask, but I do have a questions."

"Be brief. You need to be cleansed before the next sunset if you are to ever be freed of the poison in your system. Despite what you may think, we did not cause your blindness. There shall be no punishment. "

"Why am I not being punished? Everything that I am is an abomination," I admit.

They are silent for a moment and then a female voice replies, "We do not hold you accountable for the things that have been done to you. Nii was an evil man with a dark heart. Long has he perverted science to meet his own desires for destruction. His threat has passed."

I nod. "Who was the woman using my sister's name?"

"Her name was Sari. Months ago, she was raped by a band of criminals and abandoned by her family and fiancé. Nii used her for his own twisted gain, and then killed her."

I should have tried to save her. She was as much of a pawn as I was. There was a chance that she could have broken free as well. My chest is tight, as I have one more question. "Will I see again?"

"That is a question we will not answer lightly. Go and be cleaned."

In my heart, I had already known this. "Thank you."

I bow lower and feel a hand on my left arm. "This way," the monk commands. I follow his lead through long halls. It seems like it is days before we reach our destination. "Sit and I will bring the remedy."

I reach out and feel for the edge of the chair. To my surprise, it is a bed instead of a chair. I guess I'm staying here for a while. "How long must I remain here?"

"Until the poison is gone," he says plainly. I shouldn't have expected a straight answer.

I drink when a cup is pressed into my hands, and instantly I feel myself begin to fade into a sea of memories. My past has come alive before me and I am staring into emerald eyes identical to my own. Kanan. There is a slight crash as the cup shatters on the floor.

I remember this day. We had come home from the market just as it was beginning to rain. Kanan laughed as I wiped droplets from my glasses. "I love the rain, Gonou. It reminds me that everything will be new again someday."

There was a genuine smile on my face as I pulled her to me. "Shall we go for a walk?"

"In the pouring rain? My hair will be soaked!"

"And you'll be beautiful as always. Come on."

She followed me out the door and we held hands as we strolled along. People stared at us from under their umbrellas. They dismissed us as lovers too caught up in each other to have any real sense. Maybe that's exactly what we were.

The rain turns red before me. I killed them all that night. They deserve to die, I told myself. Kanan was the only pure one in this world and they hurt her. They deserve to die. None of it seemed real as I gutted them one after another. Blood splattered over my clothes and wet my hands. To me, it felt like water. The color wasn't even warning enough for me to stop. My blade moved on it's own. Nothing seemed real until I saw her face.

Her eyes widened as she saw the blood covering me. We had both gone to far to escape that night. There were choices to be made and we both chose wrong. I never imagined she would take the knife from my side. I never thought that she would rather die than live. Kanan. It's all over now. I'm so sorry, but that all comes too late, doesn't it?

The rain is still falling. Will it ever stop? A blonde sits in the window staring at the darkened sky. His past is just as painful as mine. Maybe that's why I want to be with him. Someone who knows why I can't stand the memories. Someone who knows what it is like to run from the past that you can't face. Genjyo Sanzo is this the only thing that holds us together. Please, don't let go. If you let go, I'll die.

The sun is setting in the Western sky. Is this the end?


	25. Part 25: Come Clean

Part 25: Come Clean

Sanzo

I race up the stair and ignore the monks staring at me. Some of them recognize me, I think, but it doesn't matter. Two guards try to bar my way from the temple housing the three aspects, but I send them both fly to the ground with a series of quick motions. They shouldn't have got in my way.

"Where is he?" I demand as I throw open the doors.

"Come for your lover?" a familiar voice purrs with the slightest hint of humor. "You never were good at asking nicely."

"Keh, I should have known you'd show up," I say.

The Goddess laughs. "Genjyo Sanzo, whatever do you mean?"

I truly do hate this bitch. It was natural to me the first time I heard that condescending voice. "You've been pulling the strings all along. Nii's little resurrection wouldn't have worked without a boost from someone with power. What kind of game are you playing?"

"Anything I want. Get this straight, because I'll only tell you once. Fate has a lot to with your lives. Free will is an illusion. You four were fated to come together for centuries, but this time around things were interesting. Consider anything else that happens a reward. I'll let you have him this time, but don't go around thinking that I owe you something from here on out," she warns.

I nod. "So I'm supposed to thank you?"

"That'd be nice for a change."

"Thank you then. Now where is he?"

She raises a slender hand and the doors a the end of the room open. "Follow the door ways."

My heart stops when I see him. He's lying on a bed beneath a gosamar white canopy. His demon markings are gone, and his flesh looks pale and fragile. A frightened expression plays across his face as I walk up to him. "Hakkai, wake up," I say softly.

He moans in his sleep. "Don't let go, please. Hold me."

I touch his arm. "Hakkai, open your eyes."

He shutters. "I've done so much."

"You're dreaming. Wake up."

"So much blood. Don't let go," he whimpers.

Taking him into my arms, I know that all I can do is wait for this to pass. His skin feels warm beneath my hand. "I'm here," I whisper.

The hours pass, and I hold him as he mumbles in his sleep. Never once do I loosen my grasp on him. When the sky outside the window begins to darken, I can feel his temperature begin to drop slightly. Still, I won't leave until he wakes. Not until I know what they've done to him.

I don't regret killing Nii for what he did to Hakkai. The man always was a sick bastard. There was something fundamentally wrong with him from day one. I'm convinced that psychos like that are born not made. This one just wasn't bright enough to know who not to fuck with. Hurting him was the worst mistake Nii ever made. Now I wonder what kind of damage will be left when Hakkai wakes up.

I didn't realize that I'd drifted off until I feel him move. "Sanzo?"

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Tired. I know I've been sleeping, but it feels like I've run a marathon," he replies. "Is it finished?"

"Nii's dead."

"And the girl?" I can hear the hurt in his voice.

"He killed her before we got there."

"I should have gotten her out of there," he murmurs regretfully.

"She made a choice, and paid for it. You should know about consequences by now."

"I do." He puts his head on my shoulder. "Is it dark in here?"

I sigh. "Pitch black. Someone came in and closed the drapes a while ago. Why didn't you tell me you were going blind?"

"You wouldn't have left me," he says plainly.

"You're damn right! That was so stupid, Hakkai. Did you think I would eventually figure it out?"

"I knew you would, but I had to come alone, and you had to go after Nii."

"So you lied," I say bitterly.

"Sanzo, I had to. I wanted to see you happy. I didn't want to look in your eyes and have pity be the last thing I saw in them. Can you honestly tell me that if I would have let you know, that you have gone along with everything?"

I snort my reply.

"That's what I thought," he says.

"Did you see what you wanted to see?"

His hand finds my jaw line. "I saw you smile. Now, no matter what I will always have that."

"It means that much to you?"

"It means everything to me," he corrects.

"Did they tell you it was permanent?"

He's silent for a moment. "They didn't say it wasn't."

I swallow hard. Damn them. "Maybe in the morning."

"Will you sleep with me?" he asks, ignoring my comment. He knows better than to give in to false hope.

"Fine." I can hear him stripping off his clothing, and do the same. Rather than fumble around like a moron, I hand my clothes to him to fold. He's used to doing things without seeing. It's yet to be proven if this is going to be the way he'll spend the rest of his life. Neither of us has the courage to say it, but morning will be the real test.

When I open my eyes, light is peaking through the gaps in the curtains and spilling over us. Hakkai is still sound asleep. Whatever they gave him yesterday, took a lot out of him. I always loved to watch him sleep. In the jeep, it made me want to get up just early enough to get a look at him and then doze off again. He was the first man that ever made snoring seem attractive, and he even does that softly.

His eyes begin to flutter and I hold my breath.


	26. Part 26: You're Still The One

Part 26: You're Still The One

One Year Later

Hakkai

I stare at my sleeping lover. It never ceases to amaze me how he looks so beautiful in the mornings. I guess it is just that I took it for it for granted for so long that I would never get to see this, that now I know how to truly appreciate seeing. To this day, I remember waking up in the temple together. For a long time, I was awake, but afraid to open my eyes. When I did, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. Those violet eyes were staring down at me. The love that we made that day was ethereal. I can't begin to describe what it was like be with him and not take one single thing for granted. Our lives aren't guaranteed to go on forever. Thanks to all that's happened, we both are thankful for every second we're together.

Whether I appreciate sleeping beauty or not doesn't matter. It's time for him to wake up. I slide my hand under the covers and find the top of his pajama pants. He cracks an eye open as I lace my fingers gently over the edge. "Good morning," I say cheerily.

"You'd better plan on finishing that," he groans.

Laughing, I kiss his bare chest. "I will, but we have things to do today."

"Like what?" He sits up and rakes a hand through his hair.

I roll my eyes. "I can't believe you've forgotten Mayu and Jien's wedding!"

"I can't believe you're making me go to this!"

"She's our Goddaughter. Besides, you have to keep Goku from killing Jien before the wedding," I remind him,

He snorts. "I'm having a problem remembering why I shouldn't let him. Hell, I'm half tempted to help."

"Now, now. He made his end of the deal. Goku even gave his blessing to the whole thing, and Mayu is happy. We're going to share in a wonderful day in their lives. How can you not want to be there?" I ask.

"Easy. I don't want to go. Besides why would I want to spend time with those morons anyway?"

I sigh. Sanzo will never change. "Because they're our friends?"

"Yeah, whatever."

He begins to play with my ring. We never did have a formal ceremony, but we did exchange rings and vows. The rings are very special to us. A jeweler custom made them for us. Two separate bands interweave—one silver with emerald accents, the other gold with amethyst accents. Our lives are forever connected just like the bands. It's impossible to tell where we became so entwined, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Do you ever wish we would have had the ceremony?" he asks

I shake my head. "I have all I could ever want. Who needs all the rest of it?"

"All the more reason those two should have eloped," he grumbles. "Do I really have to go to this? Can't I just slip a twenty in the card?"

"You mean the card that I picked out?" I remind him. "There is no way I'm letting you out of this."

"Fine." I smile as I watch him storm out of the room.

No matter what, I've learned that love doesn't have to end badly. Despite everything that has happened to us, we're happy. Our friends are happy. I never thought that life could be like this, but it is. Life goes on. People find ways to smile and laugh. Bad things happen, but they don't have to ruin your life. It is possible to find contentment, even if there are sins in your past. I finally believe that I deserve to be happy, and I am.

Sanzo stands in the door way stark naked. "Hakkai, get your ass in the shower with me. We have a whole hour to ourselves before we have to go to this little nightmare."

"Only an hour?"

"You're going to spend the night making it up to me, but this will have to do for now," he says eying me as I drop my pants.

"I'm not sure I've got anything to be sorry for, but I'll have to pretend." I laugh. "You know, I never realized how horny you were until it was too late."

"Keh, all that time in a monastery will do that to you. Now hurry up!"

So this is the way life will go, hopefully. And if it is true, that we are destined to be in each other's lives for all eternity, then I pray that it will always be this way. Sanzo and I are halves of the same soul. I was never fully whole until I was with him. Now, I see that everything that fate has brought us has led to this time. I'm not going to waste a second of it.

I follow him into the bathroom. Already, he's standing under the water. "What took you?" he asks. He pulls me to the wall and kisses me hard on the mouth.

I smile as I begin to get my hands nice and soapy. Oh there isn't a chance that I'd ever take this for granted.

The End

AN THANK YOU ALL! You guys rock for reading this, and if you review I love you. This is the end of this series, but I have some stuff to go back to. I am planning on writing a prequel to all of this, and I am half way done already with a side fic to this. I'm going to play with Mayu and Jien for a while. I do apologize for being inconsistent with this story. I hope yall will forgive me.


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